✦ Series: Women’s Mental Health | Shackles of the mind
I’ve noticed lately that there is thinking you know something, which stems from the mind, the ratio, and then there’s feeling like you know. A knowing which comes from what I call a connected consciousness kind of place… something greater than what we think we know. I often struggle to make a distinction between the two. Often they blend as one, unbeknownst to me that they come from different places with different outcomes. The mind wants to know everything there is to know about everything. Asking all the questions, wanting control, order and answers NOW – the whys & hows & whens- wanting to know what’s coming next, wanting to have a plan laid out, wanting to know what shape my future job will take, how I will best put use to my talents etc.
Then there’s trusting, knowing all is well, regardless of a plan. This, to me, is an innate knowing, intuition, learning to listen and then leaning into inner guidance. We were born with an innate knowing, with an infinite intelligence running through us. We see the same intelligence in nature, waking flowers and trees at just the right time. With humans though, the mind gets put left, right and centre from an early age. We are trained to only listen to the mental monologue – all its whims & preferences and wants and needs. All its distractions keeping us from our true knowing. All its emotions, rocking us, unhinging us, making us act a certain way. The mind gets angry, upset, frustrated, sad. The wise part of us just is, regardless of what happens. It observes, it doesn’t judge. Our ration that gives what is its meaning through its own perception. It’s a subjective experience. We all have eye to look, but we all see differently.
I’m noticing I can train my mind though, to see past its boundaries that keep me blind. But it takes effort, because it’s to challenge the default disk that plays, it’s to oppose what’s being played with a negative filter. It takes a certain sense of responsibility – feeling like “my thoughts are thinking me” and then guiding the thoughts elsewhere, somewhere friendlier, softer, gentler. It’s a daily practice that takes willpower to see beyond what gets presented to us in every moment. And actually, all it takes is awareness.
An intuition-led life looks like this: things that need doing are effortless, flowing; chance encounters with like-minded people highlight my day throughout; peace of mind rules, I’m undisturbed, not bothered or sweating the small stuff. I can redirect obstacles in a positive way. I seem to know what I’m doing without thinking about it. Things just happen, naturally. That’s what I want for myself. It’s hit & miss at the moment.
From a young age I’ve been wanting to understand how this mind of mine works, it fascinates me how each one of us experiences the world in a different way. I’ve always been thirsty for answers but all the books I’ve read, the youtube videos watched, none of them got me any closer to finding a connection to my own inner knowing. The books are all food, fuel for my mind to get distracted. I learnt lots, understood lots, had many AHA-moments, but nothing lasting, so did I really learn anything? What my mind doesn’t like is putting knowledge into practice. Or to practice on a daily basis.
For years I feel like I was caged by my mind thinking I was depressed, or had AD(H)D, was hormonally imbalanced, but as soon as I practice, all the symptoms of the earlier mentioned go away. So with practice I’m undoing myself from all these shackles & I’m becoming, more & more each day.
Solstice, 2023
